Portofinos Pizza [1600 Oakland Park Ave, Columbus, OH 43224 (614) 262-2662]

Hype: We've had this one before. It is great for parties, Buckeye games, and the like. We were hungry after watching some football so we decided to slay a 30 inch pie. Look at the size of that thing!!!!!!!!

Scene: It's on the other side of 71 on Oakland park near cleveland. Not my hood. The guy behind the counter had a Juggalo tattoo. nuf said. No tables.

The Pie:
Crust- Chewy outer handles, crisped well. Foldable inner slices. Very nice.
Sauce- Sweet, with a touch of red pepper for some zest. Excellent.
Cheese- Weak point of this pie. Not bad. It just can't keep up with the other parts.
Peps- Nice. Salty and spicy. Some crisped, some still flat. Very good.

Overall: We endorse this pie for all party events. Never had one smaller than 30inches, but why would we? A very strong 3-5.

Talking Pizza with the Coconut Coolouts!!!!

PS: Eat pizza recently? Tell us about it.
Always. We are always...ALWAYS eating pizza. For real. The last pizza was a thin crust Red Baron frozen pizza. Pepperoni. Very very good. That and those " Totino's party pizzas" are the best frozen pizzas. Crispy and good to eat...and cheap. The last take out pizza/restaurant pizza was Northlake Pizza here in Seattle,WA. It's an awesome joint with tons of cheese on the pizza....the black olives are chopped and the pepperoni is small and thick.

PS: So, what’s your favorite pizza shop in Seattle?
We like Olympia Greek Style Pizza, Northlake Pizza, A New York Pizza Place (they also make a delicious frozen pizza), Padrino's (they deliver late), Stacia's (gourmet pizza....cream cheese and pepperoni..mmm.), and Bill's Off Broadway.

PS: Any favorites in other cities?
Um...any city that has a good pizza buffet. Oh. Austin,Texas...Mangia, Conan's, and Double Dave's.

PS: What style of crust are you in to?
We like thin and crispy...but we do love a Chicago style deep dish.

PS: What about Chicago Style? Any thoughts on regional pizza varieties?
See the last answer. As far as regional pizza...all pizza is good pizza. It's like that saying....."Pizza is like sex, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good". Pizza is Vancouver is good and cheap...if you catch our drift.

PS: Who serves the worst pizza that you know of?
I don't know. Once in Richmond, Virginia I had a real terrible piece. It was from some chain store. Sbarros is a good example of kinda bad pizza. Mall pizza. We'd still eat it. Again see the respone to that last question.

PS: What do you think about the relationship between pizza, and partying?
They need each other. the are both crucial to a good time. They are both fun! Ask any party animal. Ask 'em.."What is your favorite food?" I bet they say pizza. Or burgers, or hot dogs. But, we bet nine times outta ten...it's PIZZA.
Pizza and partying go hand in hand. Hot dogs, too. Our buddy Justin made us a hot dog pizza. It had chili for the sauce, cheese, onions, and cut up hot dogs on it....oh, mustard, too.

PS: Toppings?
Pepperoni, cheese, cream cheese, sausage, green peppers, onions, meatballs, hamburger, hot dogs, peppers, jalepenos,
mushrooms, canadian bacon, bacon, you know....almost anything

Thanks!

Jet's Pizza [3858 Main St, Hilliard, OH (614) 771-0500]

Hype: We had to find out just how cloudy Dave's beer goggles were. He's been known to have low standards after tossing back a few if you know what I mean!!!

Scene: We had to drive like an hour to get there. It's way the fuck out in Hilliard--a community that simply eats my asshole--how could you live there? The shop is a chain, and looks it on the inside. You can't sit down. No-necked jocks were working behind the counter. This gave me an unsettled feeling, but I was still excited about dominating that pie!!!!

Pie:
Crust- Very thick, oily, a and fluffy. Very, Very good. Very crisped on the outside and steamy under the toppings. Excellence!!!
Sauce- Lame. Not tangy. I guess it was alright, but that is not how this was hyped. After whatever Dave consumed the other night his judgment was definitely impaired.
Cheese- Alright. A good amount with some flavor. Not worth blowing your load over though.
Peps- Good. Pretty flavorful. Nicely done.

Overall:
Lesson learned. Pizza is contextual. When you are partying a good pizza becomes amazing. When you are not, it damn-well better be good. The pizza Dave ate in Michigan was a 5 out of 5 because at that moment it tasted that good. When we ate Jet's yesterday it was a solid 3-5.