Co-op: Chilli Chilli Bang Bang

Someone in Co-op's branding department needs to get fired. I'm all for a good pun. In fact there's not much I like more than a witty play on words. In the unlikely event of you being curious, here's some of the few things I do like more than puns: Take Me Out, my cat, freshly squeezed orange juice, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and Krysten Ritter. That's about it. Everything else can git aurrt as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, what ground my gears about the name of this pizza was that, sure, it had chillies on, and 'chilli' sounds like 'chitty' and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is a film, but so what? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang has nothing to do with this pizza, or any pizza. Perhaps if this pizza could somehow abduct children or had a terrible-to-the-point-of-being-potentially-racist cockney accent then I'd get it. But, to my knowledge, it can't and doesn't. (I should point out there weren't any children present at the eating of this pizza so I can't confirm or deny it's kidnapping skills outright). Also does Dick Van Dyke even have his silly accent in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Or is that just in Mary Poppins? Don't answer, I so don't care about whether he does or not that I'm annoyed I even wrote it down, and I'm not going to waste even more time deleting it. But then explaining it to this extent is actually taking up even more time. Oh God. I'm just going to stop before this gets worse and I scratch my own eyes out.

6 out of 10

Verdi Pizza Restaurant & Pizzaria (7770 Olentangy River Road, Columbus, OH)

Hype: Absolutely none.  We were just looking for a nice slice and didn't want to drive too far.  No expectations.

 Scene: Verdi is a pretty small place on the end of a strip mall.  It has some outdoor seating but it was too cold.  A family occupied a long table in the middle, which added a good positive vibe to our dinner.  Three generations at one table; very nice.  We were seated next to the beer fridge, which had a small, but solid selection of beers and sodas.  The guy talked us in to a Birra Moretti--a favorite of his and ours!  A few Italian looking prints added to a very positive ambiance.  Just as our pizza arrived the guy (manager, owner, we don't know) talked us in to a second round.  We could not refuse. 

The Pie:

Crust- Plenty of seasoning and garlic salt make it flavorful.  It is also foldable in the NYC Style.  We liked the chewiness.  It wasn't perfect though.  They should have left it in the oven a touch longer to brown it up just a little more.  With just a little more crispness this pie would be truly top notch.
Sauce- Understated next to the other toppings but filled with oregano and seasonings.
Cheese- Evenly and liberally applied.  Well done next to the peps.
Peps- Oily yet delicious.  Not overly salty yet flavorful.  Kinda interesting.  We liked em.

Overall: On its own, as a take-out pie, Verdi is solid but not amazing.  Dine in and you will find it to be a hidden treasure of whatever neighborhood this is--we don't know.  Families, awesome manager/owner dude, good beverage selections, and a very nice atmosphere all add to the pizza experience giving it a 5/5 pies.  Excellent place.

Franco Manca

If you don't know me in real life then it would be so great if we could pretend that my recent splurge in inactivity is due to me being in prison for a really cool crime. Some Ocean's 11 style con or fighting off a gang of rapists and accidentally killing one like Nicolas Cage in Con Air. I'd be pretty pleased if I went to prison for something like that. After I got out I'd definitely try and slip the fact I'd been sent down into as many conversations as I could. Typically I imagine it would go something like this:

Person: "Nice weather we're having huh?"

Me: "Yeah. Do you know where you don't really see much weather?"

Person: "No."

Me: "In prison."

Person: "Mmhmm."

Me: "Yep. I know that because I just got out."

Person: "Right."

Me: "Of prison that is. I've been in prison."

Person: Makes ringing noise out of the side of their mouth. Answers pretend phone call. Walks away.

Me: Sobs silently into hands.

Pretty dramatic right?

Anyway, the opinion of the enlightened masses is that Franco Manca do one of the best pizzas in the UK and whenever I'm in Brixton I eat there because how often am I in Brixton? (Clue: Not often, because I like my belongings). They use some fancy kind of dough that takes 20 hours to rise. That seems like a long time but I can't be too critical because that's about the same amount of time it takes me to get up in the morning (or afternoon), (or evening. BTW my life's a joke). This confirms what I've been telling my mother/therapist/whoever's sitting next to me on the bus for years. I am as lazy as pizza dough. It's not like I'm asleep, it's more like there's very little I need to get done that involves getting out of bed. Also I have a wonderful cat who comes and sleeps on my belly and if you can get up and walk away from that you must have a heart made of soggy, popped tennis balls.

My favourite thing about these pizzas would have to be the fact that they're chewy. Kind of like a marshmallow, only heterosexual. Marshmallows are definitely the Russell Grants of the confectionary world, in the sense that they're fat, gay and harmless. Not that they possess any astrological insight. But then I've never asked one about my zodiac so what do I know? In case you're curious, I'm a Gemini. Which means you can't trust me with anything. I will fuck you over and stab you in the back 100% of the time because of planets and space or some shit. You've been warned.

If I was a character in Glee or Gossip Girl or some TV show that isn't Game of Thrones I'd probably describe these pizzas as 'totes delish' but I just checked and do still have balls so I can't really get away with that. So instead I'll simply call them 'really quite tasty'. Apparently there's a Franco Manca in the Westfield in Stratford which is much closer to me so if anyone wants to go one day I'd be totally up for it. I don't even care if I know you or not, but if I don't then please don't expect me to talk or look at you, that would be weird.

10 out of 10

Rocco's Pizza Plus (1664 W. 1st Ave, Grandview Heights)

Hype: This place just opened last week so we thought we'd give it a go.  It has Pizza Plus attached to the name and the others (Bexley and Gahanna) are pretty good.

Scene: It is kinda sterile in there.  Too big, golf on the TV, and just not right.  We were not excited by the age of the workers, which I would average at about 19.  While we have had many good pies made by young people, these were not those kind of young people.  They were clean cut;  not creepy, not Juggalos.  So this was a bad sign. 

THE PIE:

Crust- Thick, bready, a little doughy, and boring.
Sauce- Not heavily applied.  It lacked the spice of other Pizza Plus locations.
Cheese- Pretty good, but again not stellar.  It was really thick in the center and light as we moved towards the edges.
Peps- Very boring.  Tasteless.  They do offer a "Spicey Pep" option, which we also tried and these tasted like real peps.  Our advice is to just drop the regular pepperoni option and call the spicey ones the regular.  We'll just act like this never happened.

Overall:  Certainly the weakest link in the Pizza Plus Chain. Barely 3-5 pies.  We had leftover slices for roommates with low standards.