Top 50 Vegetarian Pizza Recipes

Have I ever mentioned what a terrible vegetarian I was when I first stopped eating meat? I definitely fit the stereotype of someone who gives up meat and replaces it with pizza and Doritos. (In my defense, I did eat a lot of veggies too. Also, I was 12.) Although I haven’t eaten a Dorito in about a decade, I will always have a soft spot for pizza. Bad pizza, good pizza, it doesn’t matter to me. We usually have it about once a month, either homemade or takeout. I could probably start a second blog dedicated to vegetarian pizzas, in fact.

Do you love pizza too? Of course you do! Here are 50 vegetarian pizza recipes.

 

Apple Cheddar Pizza with Caramelized Onions & Walnuts
French Bread Pizza with Pesto & Sun-Dried Tomatoes
Moroccan Spiced Scalloped Potato Pizza [Lady and Pups]
Barbecue Tofu Pizza [Kitchen Treaty]
Butternut Squash and Sage Pesto Pizza with Balsamic Glaze [Dishing Up the Dirt]
Shaved Asparagus and Ricotta Pizza [Just a Taste]
Lasagna Pizza [Chef Mom]
Spinach Artichoke and Blue Cheese Pizza [Half Baked Harvest]
Caramelized Onion, Apple, and Blue Cheese Naan Pizzas [Once Upon a Cutting Board]
Mango and Hatch Chile Pizza with White Garlic Crust [Vegan Richa]

 

Fresh Corn, Poblano, and Cheddar Pizza
Portabella & Kale Pizza with Roasted Garlic Sauce
Strawberry Pizza [The Cooking Bride]
Garlic Rosemary Three Cheese Pizza [Taste and Tell]
Leek, Potato and Rosemary Pizza [London Bakes]
Roasted Sweet Potato and Goat Cheese Pizza [Averie Cooks]
Garlicky Greens and Fried Egg Pizza [Beard and Bonnet]
Artichoke, Arugula & Olive Pizza [Cook for Your Life]
Nectarine Pizza with Fresh Basil and Reduced Balsamic [Alexandra Cooks]
Grilled Vegetable Pizza [BetsyLife]

 

Lemon Gremolata Pizza with Cauliflower Crust
Pesto Pizza with Roasted Red Peppers, Cremini Mushrooms & Asparagus
Grilled Greek Pizza [A Spicy Perspective]
Fontina, Fennel and Onion Pizza [Martha Stewart]
Spinach & Sun-Dried Tomato Stuffed Pizza [Eating Well]
Margherita Pizza Cups [Amuse Your Bouche]
Breakfast Pizza with Avocado and Fried Egg [What Should I Eat For Breakfast Today]
Veggie White Pizza [Girl Makes Food]
Indian Cauliflower Pizza [Food Fanatic]
Local Farmers Market Pizza [Cooking Light]

 

Spicy Mango Pizza with Black Beans & Zucchini
Sweet Potato Pizza with Kale and Caramelized Onions
Broccoli Ricotta Pizza [Eating Well]
Quick Brie and Olive Pizza [Bon Appetit]
Vegan Polenta Pizza [Without Adornment]
Moroccan Pizza [Veggie num num]
Hummus & Olive Pizza on Socca Crust [The Vegan Chickpea]
Three-Cheese White Pizza with Spinach [Cooking Light]
Kale, Mushroom & Red Onion Pizza [Cookie Monster Cooking]
Portobello Pizza with Tempeh Sausage [The Sweet Life]

 

Wild Mushroom & Potato Pizza on Whole Grain Naan
Thai Pizza with Broccoli, Mushrooms & Red Peppers
Heirloom Tomato & Sweet Corn Pizzas [Vegetarian Times]
Raw Pizza with Spinach Pesto & Marinated Vegetables [This Rawsome Vegan Life]
Apple Streusel Breakfast Pizzas [Minimalist Baker]
Raw Tomato and Pesto Pizza [For the Love of Food]
Mexican Black Bean Pizza [Local Kitchen]
California Pizza with Sourdough Crust & Avocado [Teach Eat Love]
Veggie Asian Biscuit Pizza [Tablespoon]
Roasted Cauliflower and Garlic Pizza [Foxes Love Lemons]

Top Interesting Facts About Pizza

Pizza unique, unique food Italian-made production is undoubtedly considered a favorite food in the whole world and especially among teenagers and children. There are a variety of flavors and sizes at the pizza and if you are not in the mood to go to buy the pizza-pizza delivery boy can send it to you in no time. Some facts we will present unique pizza below and you may not know. pizza

    1. Interesting Facts About Pizza like hot pizza may be used but did you know that eating cold pizza is one of a growing trend in the food world. Just look at the comments of those who like to eat cold pizza.
    2. Interesting Facts About Pizza birthday cake is often used as a major at the time of his birthday. Let us celebrate the anniversary and the moon pizza together!
    3. Interesting Facts About Antica Pizzeria Pizza is the first known pizza restaurant that opened in Naples, Italy, in 1738.
    4. Interesting Facts About Pizza is that approximately 350 slices of pizza are consumed every second in the United States.
    5. Interesting Facts About Pizza, according to estimates, around 93% of Americans eat pizza once every month.
    6. Interesting Facts About Pizza is that the three-point logo Domino's Pizza Domino's Pizza is the first in three stores.
    7. Interesting Facts About Pizza is about the biggest pizza in the world. It was made in Norwood Hyper Market in South Africa. Another feature of this pizza is; weighed 26,883 pounds, 122 feet wide and 8 inches, 1984 pounds of sauce, and cheese £ 3,968.
    8. Interesting Facts About Pizza Pepperoni pizza is the number one favorite in the United States and the world average of 36% of the asking Pepperoni pizza.
    9. Interesting Facts About Pizza largest in the United States is Pizza Hut.
   10. Interesting Facts About Pizza is the best pizza orders on many events is New Years, Halloween and Thanksgiving Eve.

Pizza Bizarre 2013

• Cheeseburger Pizza

Is there something different? To prepare this pizza agan just need spicy BBQ sauce, multi-grain pizza, mozzarella cheese, sweet onions, and cook hamburgers.

• Star Wars Pizza

If you're a fan of Star Wars agan agan definitely need to prepare this pizza.

• Chocoholics Pizza

Chocolate pizza! Chocolate pizza is perfect for Valentine's day gift.Hot Dog and French Fries Pizza
Pizza Hot dogs mixed french fries can be called Special Reginella.

• Pizza with corn dogs

Pizza with Corn Dogs is a pizza made with one of the reasons people become obese. This is a very creative pizza for people with a few extra pounds.

• Pizza cone

A cone-shaped pizza is easier to eat than ice cream or a slice of regular pizza since the fillings stay inside and will not melt when eating pizza the following agan. You can try them in Kono "Mania" pizza.

• Corrupt Pizza

A waiter showing pizza with ingredients like mustache shaped Brazil's Senator Jose Sarney during a protest against corruption in Sao Paulo. Brazil's Senate chief Jose Sarney is accused by lawmakers and media investigations nepotism, embezzlement and overseeing a secret scheme and pay allowances to staff, and the senators and relatives. [Pizza corrupt??? ]

• Mickey Mouse pizza

Why settle for a Mickey Pizza, when you could have Mickeys salami pizza? Ok, this was a bit of a bargain, but they asked for it. Available in supermarkets for all the kids who are hungry want to eat Mickey Pizza!Heart Pizza
Pizza is the most captivating enough for you to make the February holiday we all love to celebrate.Pepperoni Pizza and Caramelised Pumpkin
Scatter with chopped pumpkin pizza base and Don Pepperoni!!!.

• Nutella Pizza

Why not try agan agan favorite pizza from Italian chocolate-hazelnut spread a sense of this? The "Nutella Lux pizza" not only contains enough to keep village Italian Nutella at breakfast during the week, but also has sliced ​​strawberries and bananas. Now, as to whether all these great tastes taste great together, the answer depends on when and why you eat something.

• Pizza Cat

This pizza is made from a recipe in a book called "Pizza role", which was written by Judy Bastyra.

• Nasty Morning Pizza

A pizza that mixed it all ...

How to Make Pizza By Yourself

Pizza is one of the most popular dishes around the world. It is generally a flat round bread which is oven-baked and covered with tomatoes or a tomato-based sauce and mozzarella cheese. Toppings are also added depending on the region, culture or personal preference.

The basic steps in pizza making are first preparing dough, then pizza sauce. After that, cheese and toppings are added according to taste and then the pizza is baked in an oven. This seems to be simple while reading but preparing a good mouth watering pizza at home drains in a lot of hard work. However, you will be able to make pizza at home easily using this step-by-step guide.
Let's start from the scratch.

  
Dough Making

Dough making part of the pizza is most difficult, because it is an art to making dough at home. But I said that it is difficult not impossible. Dough mean’s base of our pizza, you should also buy ready-made base from market, its makes more easy for making a pizza.

For making real pizza at home you should made dough it self. We tell us how to make pizza dough, you just collect some ingredients from market and always take fresh ingredients. Always remember that take Ingredients in quantitative form.
Ingredients

1. 15 grams fresh yeast
2. 1 spoon salt
3. 2 spoons sugar
4. 1 Cup Maida
5. 1 Cup Atta
6. 2 spoons olive oil
7. 1 Cup warm water (45’ C)

Take a small bowl adds yeast and sugar in warm water. Mixed it properly and stop for baked, at least for 10 minutes.

Take a large bowl, mixed all ingredients like flour, olive oil, salt, and the yeast mixture it properly. Beat the mixture until it became some harder. Cover a bowl and leave it to become doubled in size, for 30 minutes.

Take dough into the oven and set dough on the flat base. Give the better shape to dough into a circular like pizza base shape.

Set the oven to 175 degrees C or 350 degrees F , gives some time to oven to make it.

How to make pizza sauce

After making dough, We make Pizza sauce, pizza sauce is another important part of the pizza for good taste. How to make pizza sauce at home.

You just take all the ingredients, as we suggest, follow the list of ingredients and always remember that take ingredients in quantitative from.

For better taste and preference it must be mandatory that you should take all ingredients.

Ingredients

• 225gm flour
• 1/4 spoon salt
• 1 spoon sugar
• 150ml evaporated milk
• 2 spoons butter
• 1/2 cup tomato sauce
• 1/2 spoon pepper powder
• 2 spoons butter

Mixed all ingredients in a bowl, first take butter and then adds flour, salt, sugar, milk, tomato sauce, pepper powder cook over medium heat until sauce starts to boil, for 30 to 45 minutes. Cook over sauce, until it become thick as per you taste and preference.

If you want to bit pizza instantly, you just buy pizza sauce from market, its easy available in your near market.

Create 6 to 7 layer of pizza sauce into the middle, bottom of the dough. . layer the sauce out-side of the dough. Leave a space on the outer-side of the dough, which allows outer-part dough to rise, it gives better shape and crunchy taste.

Toppings 

To Now create a layer of cheese over the sauce. Take cheese as per your requirement and taste. Arrange your toppings over this layer of cheese. You should also use another ingredients according to yours satisfaction.

finally, pizza is ready to baked in oven and After that set oven temperature 450 F ,wait for 10 to 15 around minutes.

Some points always remembers

1. your dough must be flat and in proper shape,it gives batter look to your pizza.

2. pizza sauce layered are not more then 6 to 7.

3. topping must be in good shape and add the according to your taste. toppings are main ingredient its gives better taste to, always focus on toppings,keep in mind.

4. At the end your pizza become brown in oven.

Meisters' Pizza, Chambers Road, Columbus, OH

Hype: We hadn't been out to do a new pizza in quite a while so we really wanted to get this one right.  Meister's has been on our radar since Dave and Jeff went for it last year and said good things.

Scene: It's in a bar in Grandview by a bunch of apartments.  We typically aren't big fans of anything Grandview, but occasionally good things happen there.  I liked the bar: pool tables, dart boards and a pizza shop.  They did have soccer on the television while perfectly good basketball was on another channel though.

The Pie
Crust- while it is cut in to party slices, and we elected to have the "traditional" crust instead of deep dish (not our focus here), it was pretty thick and airy.  Typically, thicker crusts lack crisps but Meister's still had it.  Crunchy bottom yet thick.  Nicely done.
Sauce- very sweet.  Lots of oregano and garlic.  I liked it a little better with a touch of crushed red pepper.  Dave liked it straight, I think.  Either way it was good.
Cheese- liberally applied and pretty solid.  More in the middle than towards the edges.
Peps- Good.  A little pooling, not super spicy or too abundant, but very solid.
Overall- it grew on us the more we ate.  I was the most skeptical of the group, but quickly warmed up to it.  It is a very good place to hang out and the pizza is competitive with its neighbors.  Chambers and NW Blvd has two other great pizza shops so congrats to all of the people over there. Solid 4/5 pies!!!

For some reason: A crisp review.

These turned up in my living room the other day, I'm not sure where they came from, but I try not to ask too many questions about that sort of thing; my guess is magic. Magic snacks happens a lot in my house and is how keep myself from dying from not enough food, or whatever the technical term for that is. Things I find on/under/in my sofa account for about 80% of my sustenance and if/when (when, definitely when) the non-Jurassic Park Attenborough decides to document my life in a series called 'Animal Losers' that looks at the world’s most pathetic creatures, there’ll be a great episode on my foraging techniques. I imagine it would include ol’ Dave dropping the line, “Mother Nature, it seems, is not without her sense of humour” and then cut to a clip of me slouched like a human puddle watching DMX films, eating a bag of two week-old Morrison’s own brand nachos I found behind the TV.

I like that there’s a picture of a pizza on the packet, just in case you needed a reminder of what these are supposed to taste like. But then I guess you kind of do, as they mostly just taste of ketchup and herbs, but that’s fine because I like both those things. I’m not really sure about these. I guess they’re kind of shaped like pizza so maybe they get some points for that. I don’t know, I have no idea what I’m doing really, there’s no method to this madness. This isn’t even pizza, it’s crisps. What the hell is going on? I should just write these off for trying to trick me into think they’re pizza with fancy packet design and artificial oregano. However, that said, there is a skateboarding cheetah with sunglasses so I’m going to give them some extra credit for at least having a mascot that's cool and relevant to my interests.

4 out of 10

Can't a Brother get a little peace? There's a war on the streets and a war in the Pizza East.

I’ve had a little moan about Pizza East on here before. In fairness, my gripe was more my fault than theirs and was down to me not reading the menu properly. However, as I have yet to receive a box of my family’s fingers sent by some shady, multi-national pizza review watchdog, I’m happy to keep dishing out unfair, emotionally influenced scores like a recently divorced, newly alcoholic Olympic gymnastic judge. 

Being the Jesus-like pillar of white-light virtue, decency and altruism that I am, I decided to give Pizza East a second chance. Also I was totally Romania.  As in: ‘beyond Hungary’. As in: ‘really hungry’. As in: ‘I stayed in on Saturday night and watched cartoons until I fell asleep in my clothes’. 

Anyway the pizza was better this time. Largely down to me learning from my past mistakes and making sure I chose one with tomato sauce. I think me and Pizza East can finally get along again, and so, as a token of our rebuilt friendship I’ll offer them the greatest gift one person can give to another besides news socks. The gift of advice. And this is it: Pizza East, you shouldn’t have called yourself Pizza East because it really limits your ability to expand into other parts of the city*, unless you’ve already copyrighted Pizza West, Pizza North and Pizza South, but I doubt you have. Also what if you want to open a restaurant in another city? What if that city’s Eastside is gross? What if it’s Swindon? That whole place is gross. Don’t go there.

I guess that wasn’t really advice and more a damning critique of their business model but it’s too late now, I’ve written it and the thing with writing things on the internet is that once you’ve typed it out, it's there forever.

8 out of 10

*I have since been informed that there is in fact a Pizza East in West London. As a result I'm putting 'Research' on my to do list, just below 'Pay TV license 2008' and 'Die a quiet death at sea'.

Shorewitch H∆use

For those who don’t know, Shoreditch House is this multi-story members club in Croydon Shoreditch that has a whole bunch of bars, a restaurant, spas – like health spas, not the chain of convenience stores, (although, if you’re reading (you’re not), Shoreditch House bigwigs, maybe that could be something to think about), a gym, sofas and an outdoor swimming pool that steams when it’s cold. It’s the kind of place that, were I a young, troubled heir to an eight-figure fortune, I’d spend my days there, marching around, shirt open, mumbling about Faulkner, drunk on £200 scotch at 3pm on a Tuesday. I would think I knew all the staff by their first name but would be wrong and mildly racist about 80% of the time. They’d all hate me, largely due to the time I grabbed a waitresses thigh, asked her if she “liked to pogo” and then fell asleep, perhaps pissing myself and ruining a velvet sofa cushion. I wouldn’t apologise, mention or possibly even remember the incident. However they’d tolerate me because I’d constantly overtip due to not really having any sense of money or value or anything and my Dad would be a pretty big deal and had asked the owners to “For God’s sake, keep an eye on him”/me. 

The only thing standing between me and making this dream a reality is a really big, unclimable wall made out of money. Also I never read The Sound and the Fury even though it was on my reading list at university because rules, like promises to myself to stop watching fail compilations on Youtube for literally three hours and just go to bed already, are made to be broken.

Anyway, they do pizza at Shoreditch House and surprising hopefully no-one, I ate it. It had salami on and I’m no salami expert, or as I desperately hope they say in the industry, ‘salami barmy’, but I think a good way to determine the quality of salami is whether it’s in a circular ‘log’ (gross) or a slightly oval one. I don’t know why this is. Perhaps no one except God and the pigs that poop out salami do.

7 out of 10

Pompeii-back.

What was cool about this pizza was that when I asked for no jalepenos, instead of being spineless, subservient wimps and complying to my outrageous demands, Vesuvio went ahead and, as you can see in the photo above, totally ignored me. I like that. That shows a real strength and belief in your vision. The unwillingness to compromise or waver in your certainty that you know what's best for your customer. That level of artistic integrity is rare, and the fact that it exists in a little pizza restaurant just off Clapton roundabout is a testament to the spirit and resilience of the human desire to create. It brings to mind inspirational figures like Ai Weiwei and Salman Rushdie, standing fast in the face of public opinion, refusing to budge no matter what. People and government are telling them what to do and they simply ignore them because they have a higher calling. Congratulations Vesuvio Pizza Takeaway, your legacy and example of fearless defiance will live on in the countless people who's requests you totally ignore, regardless of how much it disrupts their poop cycle.

This was pretty good even though I had to pick off all the jalepenos myself. I stupidly did this with my fingers and before I took out my contact lenses. If you've ever man handled chili and then given your eyeball a big old poke you'll know how fun it is. My eyes frazzled up like bacon bits in a deep-fat fryer and I am now completely blind. I've just been randomly bashing away at the keyboard for the last ten minutes like an ADHD five year old at a piano. If what I've written so far actually makes any sense then it's a miracle and I am that one monkey  with a typewriter, out of an infinite number, that managed to hammer out Shakespeare. My mum's watching and crying because of what's happened to her family. It's pretty sad.

On the plus side the hospital gave me these sick new sunglasses. In my head I look like James Dean.

6 out of 10

The Hotfella: a pizza, not a gay dating site.

The Hotfella is Goodfella's new spicy pizza. It's like their regular frozen deep-pan only a bit spicier. I can't tell you much more than that because I was pretty drunk when I cooked it. Whenever I have a naughty little pre-bed, hangover-thwarting, booze pizza I wake up convinced that I left the oven on and burned my kitchen down, or worse, wasted loads of our gas credit. So far, to the best of my knowledge, I haven't caused any drunk pizza related fatalities, but that said, I can be quite unobservant and it's possible I'm directly responsible for numerous casualties in a Sgt. Frank Drebin from the Naked Gun kind of way. Happily whistling away, totally oblivious to the motorway pile up I just caused by throwing away that banana skin. Or something like that. Ignorance is bliss so it's probably best if I don't ask too many questions about my frequent memory blanks between 11pm and 4am, the bloody kitchen knives under my bed and the growing pile of prostitue corpses that I keep finding in my cupboard. I'll just do what Leslie Nielsen (R.I.P.) would; a wide-eyed grimace, a gulp and a nervous shuffle away from the scene of the crime. Because that will work. If slapstick comedy has taught us anything it's that old men know gymnastics, people being shot and falling off buildings is hilarious so long as they're relatively insignificant characters and that OJ Simpson was too funny to have done it.

I'm usually a bit of a wimp about really spicy food. Partly because it can give me a dicky belly, but also because once my brother decided he was a big dog and ordered a Vindaloo at an Indian restaurant. He got a third of the way through and had to be given two massive jugs of water, cucumber dipped in yoghurt and a cold towel on his forehead to stop him passing out. I'm way too self-conscious to handle that much attention. Anyway this pizza wasn't that spicy at all, and if there was any justice in the world then Will.I.Am's career would have gotten no further than 'Canned Goods Aisle Manager', and this pizza would be called something more accurate. Like the 'Warmfella', which in my opinion, sounds just as homoerotic, albeit in a slightly fuzzier, long-term commitment, kind of way.

6 out of 10

Halo. Is it me you're looking for?

Well no-scope me out of a Warthog and call me the Reclaimer, if Pizza Hut haven't thought of yet another way to make me hate them, myself, the world, you probably, and just about everything ever. You don't have to be Cortana to know that the thing stuffed crusts are definitely not lacking is more cheese. So it's slightly perplexing as to why 'the Hut' have decided to celebrate the release of Halo 4 by sprinkling – although it's more like 'coating' really, let's call a horse a horse – their stuffed crust with Red Leicester. I guess it's because it's in the shape of a halo, and the video game's called Halo, and those two words are the same and so it all makes sense and could be totally justified in a war crimes tribunal. Which, after experiencing what can only be described as digestive genocide, seems a likely direction for events to unfold in. I don't know if you've ever played Halo. If you're not sure either, a good way of checking is to quickly assess if you have any or all of the following: 

1. A healthy, non-racist-expletive filled, social life.

2. A girl/boyfriend who doesn't thoroughly resent you. 

3. Regular interactions with sunlight.

If these sound familiar, then chances are you haven't played it. If however, you're like me and have decided a worthwhile way to spend the dwindling remnants of youth is to perfect your four-shot with the Battle Rifle, then add a brother up and we'll go smoke some suckers. My Xbox Live gamertag is 'Ninjoe'. It's a combination of the the word 'ninja' and 'Joe'. I thought of it about ten years ago and it is, by far, my greatest achievement and contribution to the world to date.

Anyway, this pizza is gross and unnecessary and I hate it and I hate Pizza Hut. Also, the other night, at the bar I work in, I got talking to a guy who said he does the advertising for Pizza Hut and apparently their CEO is some sadistic, psycho-devil woman who everyone in the industry (the pizza advertising industry presumably *vom*) totally hates. Kind of like Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, except with pizza instead of fashion magazines. So there's that too.

0 out of 10

Reggae Reggae Jerk Chicken Stonebaked Pizza

The pizza so nice, they technically named it once but repeated a word. Levi Roots, the man behind Reggae Reggae sauce, not a new denim heritage collection, has decided that just selling sauce in bottles is boring and that he needs to step in and give people ready made examples of what they could be putting the sauce on. All that time spent in the Dragon's Den - presumably fighting off dwarves and sleeping on huge piles of gold or whatever, I dunno, I don't watch the show. LOL JK I do. Loads. I live for that shit - has really rubbed off on him and turned him from a mildly eccentric Jamaican man who sings to grumpy rich white men for money into a shrewd capitalist, devoted to expanding his jerk sauce empire. I read somewhere (possibly in a daily publication I get called My Imagination) that a couple of years ago, Reggae Reggae sauce outsold Heinz Ketchup. I find that hard to believe because I get through, on average, four bottles of tomato sauce a day. And I don't buy any of that Daddie's shit. But then I am just one man and can only do so much. For now at least... *glares at nervous group of bioengineers locked in my basement. They yelp and scamper back to work on their cloning machine*.

Jerk chicken is great, and I feel far less of what psychotherapist's don't call, but should, 'Carnivore's guilt', when eating it. It's reassuring to know that I'm eating a very unpopular chicken, that chances are, the chicken community is grateful this chicken is dead. I like to think that jerk chickens would bully the other chickens, perhaps make jokes about their cowardice, throw their unborn children at their coops, or dress up as Colonel Sanders for chicken Halloween. Stuff like that. And now they've got their comeuppance by being eaten by someone like me. Surely the ultimate, final humiliation.

6 out of 10

Pizzeria da Mario: Pizza Mario

The other week I went up to Oxford to visit my two little brothers. They're both at University there and when I tell people that they always ask if I mean Oxford Brookes. I don't, I mean actual Oxford-Oxford, as in the closest-any-of-us-stupid-muggles-will-get-to-Hogwarts-Oxford, and whoever I'm telling is a little surprised by this. They may deny it but I can read their eyebrows like two, hairy little books. I don't blame them for their scepticism, because it seems like a bit of a stretch that the same sperm - egg DNA combo can produce such wildly different levels of academic success; but such is the miracle of genetics, and it serves as a reminder that God is both very real and has a sick, sadistic sense of humour. Also don't we share something like 96% of DNA with potatoes or whatever? I can kind of believe this though because there are days when I sit around for so long I get this weird urge to peel off all my skin, chop myself up into strips and hug fried fish.

Anyway, this little place is on Cowley Road which is about as rough as central Oxford gets. I feel pretty confident I could mince up and down the Cowley Road at 2am on a Saturday night in acid-washed denim hot pants, several sealed and boxed iPhone 5s hanging round my neck on easy-to-snap chains, telling track-suited, overly gelled teenage boys I think they're sexy and slapping their cans of Skol out of their hands and not get 'crimed against' once, but then maybe the savage, everyday-is-a-battle-for-survival lifestyle I lead on the Mad Max 2-esque streets of Stoke Newington has given me an overly rosy view of the Cotswolds.

This was a good pizza even and, although it had artichokes on, we didn't have any problems. (It also usually comes with olives, but obviously I demanded they take those shrivelled little hell nuggets off because I had a whole colostomy bag of AIDS-blood soaked razor blades I'd sooner eat before I'd let  Lucifer's testicles get anywhere near my gorgeous, gorgeous face).

8 out of 10

Who 'Demands' Pizza Hut's Garlic Butter Stuffed Crust?

Woah, woah, and another woah Pizza Hut. Hold that drove of horses you've let run rampant through the quiet town of Plausibilityville (the potentially incredible sequel to Pleasantville, where a couple of teenagers are sucked into a TV town where everything happens under very likely and unsurprising circumstances. Also starring William H. Macy). Pizza Hut do you really expect me and every other pizza-centric, linguistically pedantic chump with too much free time who walks past this sign to just nod and accept whatever you say like a drunk monkey asking for more wine gums? Popular demand? What happened, did someone send you a petition?

"Dear Pizza Hut,

Below you'll find 50,000 signatures of concerned individuals who feel your decision to cease the option of adding a garlic butter stuffed crust to your pizzas (large only) both insulting, irresponsible and possibly a little homophobic. Please rectify this blatant oversight by returning the garlic butter stuffed crust to it's rightful place as a staple on the Pizza Hut takeaway menu. Your understanding on this matter is appreciated and we just hope you take steps to make amends for the hurt your decisions have caused.

We sincerely hope you do the right thing.

Yours,

Loads and loads of people apparently."

Bah. If Pizza Hut brought out a limited edition 'Elixir of Everlasting Life' stuffed crust I'd be surprised if I could muster up the energy to do anything about it when the offer expired. But then sometimes I worry I'm a kind of pioneer, testing the boundaries of the human capacity for lethargy so don't go by my example by any means. 

Grandad's Pizza in Byrne's Pub (1254 West 3rd Avenue, Columbus, OH) Grandview

Hype: I've seen coupons here and there but there wasn't really any.  We knew they served pizza in a bar, which is tough to mess up, so it sounded like a surefire way to eat a good pie and and have some refreshments before the BIG GAME!!!

Scene: Gee, it's a good thing we weren't there at night.  It looks to be an Irish Rock bar.  Beyond the possibility of hearing Irish music this is a nice place.  Wide selection at the bar, ample seating with an excellent patio. They serve good pizza too.  Oh yeah, affordable Great Lakes pitchers and TV screens helped us root for an undefeated Northwestern Football Squad.

The Pie:
Crust- thin to win.  stood up to plenty of sauce while maintaing it's COLUMBUS EDGE.  Take a look at that.
Sauce- not too flavorful, but that was ok.  It was kinda sweet with hints of tomatoieness.
Cheese- mild, evenly applied.
Peps- very nicely cupped, with some greasiness.  Very spicy.  Very delightful.

Overall: Nice place.  This pizza was not mind-blowing but it is an excellent Columbus-style pizza.  It fits in perfectly as a thin, spicy pepped, Grandview/Arlington Style pie.  The fact that you can eat it in Byrnes makes it a no brainer.  If I lived in Grandview (and I would never consider it) I would do Grandads all the time. 4--5 pies!!!!!!!!!!

Papa John's: The Works

I fell out with Papa John a while ago. He wouldn't deliver a pizza to me when I was only 5 minutes up the road and this made me quite cross. It felt like he was being lazy and boy, do I hate laziness. I'd sure as heck do something about if I could be bothered and this bed wasn't so comfortable and I didn't already have a full day of sitting around in pants booked into my diary. I know calling him out for laziness is a bit rich coming from a semi-unemployed Call of Duty addict who hasn't updated this blog for two months, but then this is the Internet not afternoon tea with Aunt Judie so I can be as rude and unreasonable as I want and the worst you can do is stop reading. (Please, for the love of God don't stop reading. I'm a drowning man and you're my oxygen, don't leave me. I love you).

Anyway, in retaliation for not getting a pizza, I sent him numerous inflammatory e-mails and a couple of sexy dick pics (you know, just in case that greased the wheels in my favour). You can read about the whole, tawdry, regretful affair right here. Suffice to say, I didn't get my pizza. :(

That was over a year ago now and, since then, I feel I've grown both spiritually and gastronomically. So, as I was both really hungry and willing to overlook past slights, I returned to Papa John's with my tail between my legs. (I don't have a tail. This is just a phrase. I don't really understand why a tail's location would indicate being sorry. Maybe it's a cat thing. I'd ask my cat but he's an idiot and we're not talking at the moment).

In fairness the pizza was pretty good. Obviously I swapped the olives for something else because I'd rather lick between the toes of a dead hobo that eat those shrivelled little demon goolies, but overall a tasty meal was had by all (It was just me. I'm so lonely). HOWEVER, and I'm sorry to bring politics up, it's something I try not to do on account of knowing nothing about anything, but did you know that in America, Papa John has gone to great lengths to advertise the fact that he is raising the price of pizzas a few cents to pay for their employee's Medicare and that it's all Obama's fault? He's basically saying: "Sorry guys, Obama's making me do this because he's a dick. Why are you such a dick Obama you dick?" For a multi-national company that peddles in auto-chubbening cheese disasters, contributing to the clearing up of the mess they make seems like the least they could do. Obviously this doesn't apply to me in any way whatsoever because I'm English, live in England and am very happy to shave off decades of my life in exchange for extra pepperoni. Still, seems like a dick move if you ask me.

6 out of 10

Little Palace (240 S. 4th St. Columbus, OH)

Hype: It's been forever since we've done a new pie so we wanted to get something good.  I'll be honest; we drove past two that were closed, then drove from King Ave down High St. looking for pizza shops.  We decided not to do Fabian's (because it sucks) and that landed us all the way downtown.  I was pissed.  After quite a drive Dave remembered this place served pizza.  Good.  I was STARVING!

Scene: Kool looking downtown bar/restaurant, like Press Grill but not so creepy.  It was what it should be. Nice draft beer spread, TV's with sports and fairly good looking people seated throughout kinda made me want something other than pizza, but Dave helped me focus on business.  We did have to figure out what was the peperoni pizza-like item on the menu.  If you go, you'll catch on.

The Pie:
Crust- Hand tossed, chewy and airy.  Very nice with just a touch of toast where appropriate.
Sauce- Spicy with tomato seeds and all.
Cheese- Not liberally applied, but this did not detract from the experience.  It may have drowned out the sauce and not-peperoni.
Peps- They had some other name for them.  They were spicy, interesting, and well applied.  This was a hit.  One minor detail--they added a few jalapeno peppers for heat.  I was on the fence but Dave likes it Hot!
Overall: I like this joint.  I guess they serve other stuff too, but the pizza oven is the real deal.  Take a lady because it is a nice spot with quality pies.  4--5.

Waitrose's Unconventional Fruit Pizzas!! Double Review Power Edition!!

I've been going to Waitrose quite a bit recently because it's fun to pretend I'm successful and middle class, when in reality I live in something that can only be described as half-flat, half-armpit. If there was someone in charge of maintaining the standards of middle-class living and they were to inspect my house, I would be stripped of my Cotswold laurels, dragged into the back of a pristine 4x4 and thrown onto the pavement outside the Sports Soccer in Swindon. And rightly so. 

Anyway, fruit on pizzas is not new. Look at Hawaiians. The pizza not the race of people. Although feel free to look at them as well, just don't be obvious about it. Wear sunglasses and do that thing where your head is facing one way and your eyes are facing another, but no one can see because you're wearing sunglasses. That's my favourite stalking/perving technique. I have many, but that's my favourite. Or at least my favourite that doesn't involve a full-body ghillie suit and pinhole cameras. 

Here's a couple of Waitrose's recent and ambitious forays into fruit on pizza. Let's all take a look shall we? No? No? Not you either? None of you? Fine. Just me then. It's cool, I'm quite happy in my own company and I have the new Usher song on my iPod, so screw you guys.

Calabria Inspired Salami, Red Onion and FIG Pizza

Before we get all figgy with it, can I talk about the fact that the salami has been inspired by something? How does that work? Is the pig shown flattering pictures of real Calabrese Salami and encouraged to reach for something greater than just being a run-of-the-mill, blue collar pork product? Was this salami made from a particularly aspirational herd of pigs? How do you inspire meat? I don't want to sound like a nit-picker, but if it can be inspired then are you sure it's dead enough to eat. It all sounds a bit silly to me. Silly old salami, silly old Waitrose, silly old pizza. (Also, I should point out I have no idea why this passage is highlighted in beige. I didn't do that, and if I did, I wouldn't have chosen beige. My theory is that, as the last person on Earth using Blogspot, the website's feeling starved of attention and has decided to act up in a pathetic, self-destructive cry for help. The Internet equivalent of facial tattoos.)

I'm not sure how I feel about figs. I think I'm slightly prejudiced towards them because of that Christmas carol about demanding figgy pudding. I always felt like a fat, Dudley Dursley-esque spoilt brat singing that. That's not to say I wasn't. It was just tough hearing it confirmed, out loud, by me and everyone else in the room. I'm sure you can understand the depth of the emotional scar this could leave on a child. Poor me and my Christmases spent feeling bad about the songs I had to sing. Where's my TV charity appeal Lenny Henry? Why haven't you recreated Flashdance to help me with my struggle Robert Webb? Needless to say, these experiences have left me a quivering shell of a man, full of nothing but insecurity, crippling terror and the odd internal organ. 

6 OUT OF 10

Lombardia Pizza with Salame Brianza, Blue Cheese and PEAR

I feel bad for pears sometimes. Not so bad that it registers on any kind of emotional scale, but bad enough that it seems worth talking about here and trying to desperately drag out a hundred or so words. This space won't fill itself you know. (<-- God's angry Mother, two minutes before the Big Bang). Anyway, the reason I sympathise with pears is twofold: A) I have too much time on my hands and so am able to spend it thinking about things this pointless and B) because I feel they get overlooked in favour of apples as the 'go-to' British fruit, when in fact they are much juicier, less easily bruised, and don't taste gross if they're more than a week old. I sort of see them as the best friend of a dull, yet hot and popular girl in this rather weak school = a fruitbowl metaphor. A bit like Ugly Betty. Although I've never seen Ugly Betty, I'm just guessing that that's what happens in Ugly Betty. It looks like that's what happens. I'd ask someone but have you ever met anyone that watches it? Of course you haven't. The only person that watches Ugly Betty spends all his time at home, watching Ugly Betty, not outside meeting people like you. If the 'pears are the overlooked, yet beautiful on the inside, (and out, post makeover montage obvs) girl' thing doesn't make sense, just watch any film about teenagers ever made. That's not a method of explaining my point, just a fun suggestion to pass the time because who doesn't like High School movies?

7 out of 10

Pronto Pizza: Pepperoni

When this arrived the other night I was concerned because it looked like they'd got my order wrong. Play 'Where's Wally?' on the picture above, except this time it's called 'Where's Pepperoni?'. You'll lose. It was there though, just hidden under the cheese. Like they were trying to smuggle it past the border that is my mouth, into the low-paying horticultural and landscaping industry that is my belly. It worked and I was awash with pepperoni/illegal immigrants. If my body was a democracy, (it's not, it's a dictatorship and I'm the dictator and I will be until I die) then a right-wing government would probably print off a series of campaign posters with pictures of evil looking pepperoni with exaggerated, racist facial features groping young girls, robbing old people and hogging jobs. Thankfully for struggling pepperonis all over the world, when it comes to meat immigration, I have a pretty relaxed policy. I don't think I even have customs or passport checks or anything like that. Everyone's welcome. Come on in. I might regret this one day, or even today in fact. Actually definitely today, because I've recently noticed a significant increase in the amount of tummy I have. It's OK, I'm going to start jogging twice a year. That should sort it out. I just wish someone had told me excessively eating stodgy, fatty foods on an almost daily basis and then lying or sitting down all the time would give me the chubbs. Misled youth or what?

Pronto Pizza is on Stoke Newington Church Street and has a whole selection of contradictory offers that you'd need a complex diagram to fully understand. I took the easy option and went for the 'Buy One, Get One Half Price'. Which was pretty good because they're not that expensive to begin with and assuming you have friends, (perhaps a foolhardy assumption) it means you can get an XL for around £7. Not bad. Also they're pretty tasty and have that kind of oil that makes paper transparent and if you get it on your clothes, it will literally never come out. This makes the whole thing more exciting because there's that little hint of danger. If you're not careful, you could ruin a t-shirt. The only way you could get higher stakes than that would be if you hot-boxed a slaughterhouse.

8 out of 10

Co-op: Chilli Chilli Bang Bang

Someone in Co-op's branding department needs to get fired. I'm all for a good pun. In fact there's not much I like more than a witty play on words. In the unlikely event of you being curious, here's some of the few things I do like more than puns: Take Me Out, my cat, freshly squeezed orange juice, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and Krysten Ritter. That's about it. Everything else can git aurrt as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, what ground my gears about the name of this pizza was that, sure, it had chillies on, and 'chilli' sounds like 'chitty' and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is a film, but so what? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang has nothing to do with this pizza, or any pizza. Perhaps if this pizza could somehow abduct children or had a terrible-to-the-point-of-being-potentially-racist cockney accent then I'd get it. But, to my knowledge, it can't and doesn't. (I should point out there weren't any children present at the eating of this pizza so I can't confirm or deny it's kidnapping skills outright). Also does Dick Van Dyke even have his silly accent in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Or is that just in Mary Poppins? Don't answer, I so don't care about whether he does or not that I'm annoyed I even wrote it down, and I'm not going to waste even more time deleting it. But then explaining it to this extent is actually taking up even more time. Oh God. I'm just going to stop before this gets worse and I scratch my own eyes out.

6 out of 10