Mikie's Late Night Slice (15 E Duncan St. North Campus, Columbus)

Hype: This address has been a pizza place since forever and it never seems to be very good. Mikie's Late Night (same as in short north, I think) moved in because they have a knack for finding idiot proof locations. We were partying up the street and decided to drop by.

Scene: We tried to get a beer at Ledo's to build up our appetite and get in to character, but they wanted a dollar at the door for some reason: guess not. Oh well. So we went over to the pizza shop. They had just finished putting in some nice wood-looking floors to spruce up the place. It looks and smells very Cleveland. They guys are from there and it shows: I think in a good way. If I had come over from a long tour of duty at Ledo's it would have been even better. Everything was painted black. A couple of stools to sit on while you wait.

The Pie:
Crust- Garlic butter basted thick airy edges with semi floppy, but still somewhat firm support for all that cheese and sauce.
Sauce- Sweet but kinda bland. Nothing bad, but nothing to write home about either.
Cheese- Lots of it. Again, just ok.
Peps- Reminded me of Houddog's up the street. Kinda thin and greasy. Not enough spice. The reason they have banana peppers on the "Spicy Ass Pepperoni" is because their peps are weak. Gimmick Pizza.

Overall: If you are wasted on North Campus at 3:45 they are open. It is not that bad, just not too good. I don't know what ANONYMOUS was so excited about. Yes, it is your best drunk food option for a two or three block radius, but that is the only reason I would return. Not something to plan out or look forward to. That said, the guys seem pretty alright and they seem to understand bar economics-- it doesn't have to be all that good. A strong 3--5. There are nights I would have given it 8--5 under strange circumstances.

Bono Pizza (1717 Northwest Blvd, Columbus, 614-906-8646)

Hype: We were pumped up about this one. Some friends said a few good things about it and a few people wrote to recommend it. High expectations, lots of mystery!

Scene: This is not what we expected. So you walk in to the beverage carry out and look left. I think it used to by a "Coney Island". Remember? They turned it in to a nice little faux Italian kitchen that just serves pizza I guess. It was really small and really crowded with very nice people: a couple Australians, a family, and an Asian guy with two big cans of Coors in front of him he brought in from the carry out next door. We talked about just getting it pick-up but some nice people were finishing up and offered us their table for two. Three of our four sat down at the table. I asked the lady working if she had an extra chair and she obliged--this made it really tight but everyone was kool about it. The placed ruled! Jim went to the carry out (which happened to be right through the sliding steel security gate) to pick up a sixer of a favorite beer. Things were getting even better. By the way: everyone was partying in there. It was like a paradise: a Pizza Speakeasy!

The Pie:
Crust- Laid back, not fully round, airy, soft underbelly due to all the sauce (see below) and crispy edges.
Sauce- Very nice. Herby, especially with all the basil. If you don't like basil you will not like this pizza. We all really liked it. Perhaps the highlight of the pie.
Cheese- Mixture of fresh mozza, asiago, and others. unevenly distributed, and heavy in spots. Very tasty.
Peps- Moderately spicy, yet very flavorful. Plenty of them and also unevenly applied. Also good.

Overall: This place ruled. We washed down the pies with the waffles that they had for dessert. Between the good company, friendly hosts, and comfortable chair we ate some totally good pizza. I will be coming back a lot, I hope, as long as everyone keeps this joint quiet. If we all go hyping it up like Bill Bellamy it will get too crowded and then we can't sit down and eat. Think about it. 5---5. Bono Rules!

Perfect Pizza: Sheer Perfection

I'd seen a few Perfect Pizza shops around town and had written them off as existing about one rung below Domino's on the ladder of 'gross pizzas'. That's a pretty bad rung to be on, in fact I'm not even sure it's still part of the ladder. It may just be lying on the ground at the foot of the ladder, probably in a puddle of muddy water. Despite my reservations I decided to give it a shot on the glowing recommendation of my flatmate. New rule: Never listen to my flatmate.

For £22 we got two large pizzas, chicken wings, potato wedges, garlic bread and some dips. In fairness that's a pretty good deal, here's a list of those things ranked in order of how much I liked them:
1) Chicken wings.
2) Potato wedges.
3) Garlic bread.
4) The dips.
5) The pizza.

Like my old Gramps has never said, nor will ever say because he's not from the old West, "When dips trump pizza, shit ain't right".

In the photo, if you look closely, you can kind of see the cheese is shining a little bit. I don't want shiny cheese. Shiny cars, shiny shoes, shiny shins, fine, shiny cheese, not so much. Also, and maybe I was unlucky and this was just a one off, but I think the guy that made my pizza ran out of tomato sauce and the only thing he had to replace it with was salt. Loads of salt. Luckily for me I'm not a slug because this pizza would have shrivelled the shit out of me. Not that having to spend the rest of my life unable to eat this pizza because it would now be fatal to me would be the worst thing about waking up to find I'd become a slug. There'd be loads of other drawbacks, like not having legs, or eyes or arms or no slime. I think perhaps I (and possibly all of us) take not being slimy for granted, we shouldn't, we're so lucky to be able to live slime-free lives. Think about that. Jah bless.

3 out of 10

Indo: Forestiere

Indo is either a pub or a bar in Whitechapel. I'm not sure which because it looked like a pub in the sense that there were old wooden tables everywhere, it was dimly lit and a man brought his dog in but it may have been a bar because have you ever heard of a pub with a name like Indo? I was there because it was a friend's birthday and it serves pizza, both valid reasons to leave the house.

They have a classic, old-fashioned wood fired oven that churns out crispy pizzas every fifteen minutes or so. Slightly irritating however is that this oven is apparently only big enough for one pizza at a time, so considering there were about a dozen of us, pizzas came out at a slow enough pace to leave each person taking turns being the solitary pizza eater, while everyone else had to sit around watching them chew. It's almost as if Indo never considered the possibility that more than one person could come in and actually want to eat pizza at the same time. Maybe, prior to my friend's birthday, their clientele consisted solely of sad, hungry loners. Not such an unreasonable theory, Whitechapel does kind of bum me out. I can imagine if I had to spend a lot of time there my sadness, loneliness and hunger levels would increase at a similar pace. I think it's because the pavement's so wide it feels a bit like you're adrift in some dismal, concrete desert, that and all the sirens. So a desolate, urban wasteland exclusively populated by crime and accidents. Cheery stuff.

The Forestiere was a simple enough affair, ham, mushrooms, onions and an egg. Good old eggs. I'm getting into eggs on pizzas. Do you think chickens realise how lucky they are that people value their menstruations? This is a little gross but, girls, would it ease the cramping and moods or whatever if someone were to write you a charming letter once a month whole-heartedly thanking you for your used tampons? Would that make all the bleeding a little more bearable? Bear in mind I'm not offering to write these letters, I'm speaking in hypotheticals, don't send me any creepy, damp parcels. They definitely won't get opened.

7 out of 10

Chicken Nugget Pizza

I've begun the last few posts apologising for my lack of activity and blaming laziness. I'm not going to do that this time because it's been over a month and apologising for being that negligent would be like apologising to a grieving mother after you'd mowed down her baby boy in your Fiat Punto with a box of Miniature Heroes. So in conclusion, I'm an awful person and I don't deserve your forgiveness.

This is my friend Cassie and she really likes chicken nuggets.

Her thirst for the little lumps of pulverised chicken guts is funny because Cassie is a girl and I'm disappointed every time I remember Cassie's pockets aren't filled with moonbeam lollipops or marshmallows made by unicorn babies. There's probably just some spare change, a cigarette lighter or lint in there. I'm just guessing, I've never asked because "Hey, so, what's in your pockets?" is a question only friendly muggers or a drunk Gollum could get away with asking.

Cassie fucking loves chicken nuggets. If it rhymed and she had more pop culture relevance, 50 Cent should have substituted his "Love you like a fat kid loves cake" line for "Love you like Cassie loves chicken nuggets". Were I ever to be dangling off one side of a bridge and there was a single chicken nugget hanging off the other and Cassie only had time to save one of us I wouldn't fancy my chances. I feel a bit silly using the word 'fetish', but I don't think phrases like 'keen interest' or 'enthusiasm for' quite convey the severity of her passion for chicken nuggets, so I'm going to have to go with it. Cassie has a chicken nugget fetish.

We had a conversation about how great a pizza with chicken nuggets would be that went exactly like this:

Cassie: Wouldn't a pizza with chicken nuggets be great?

Myself: Yes Cassie, it would.

So we made one. Here's a recipe that's easier to follow than Charlie Sheen's Twitter. (See, I haven't been locked away in an Eastern European prison for the last six weeks, I still know what's up).

1) Nuggets take longer to cook than pizza. To ensure both finish cooking at the same time, cook the nuggets on their own a little first.

Here are some nuggets about to be put into the oven. The more astute amongst you will notice a distinct lack of pizza.

2) Once your nuggets are half cooked stick those squishy little dickheads on a pizza and put it all back in the oven.

If you compare this photo to the one above, you will see that the quantity of pizzas present has increased by precisely 1.

3) Eat the bastard.

CHICKEN NUGGET out of CHICKEN NUGGET

A Slice Of New York (Campus Location, N. High St)

Hype: So Flying Pizza got sold, or transferred, or given, to somebody other than the older mustached Italian-looking guy. We've got a guy on the inside that told us the pizza had changed so we went to see.

Scene: Campus is still filled with meathead tools. The shop looks like it always did except the people behind the counter. The younger kid, that may be the owner was spinning crusts which was nice to see and the lady taking money was just as rude as the old cashiers used to be.

The Pie:
Crust- Here was one of the big differences since the transfer. It was a little thinner and less crusty than the FlyPie of old. It bent. Remember they used to warm up your slice in the oven and then give it to you and you would burn yourself because it was so hot and you could not wait. I used to burn myself every visit because I didn't have the self control to wait. Now it is simply warm enough. Maybe the oven is too cold, maybe the new guy doesn't take the time to wait for it to get done the first time, or the warm up session. Don't know.
Sauce- Lacked kick. Again, this was indicative of what seems to be a lack of attention to detail. Bland. If they have seasonings on the counter for us to apply why can't they just get off of their rear's and dump some in the sauce.
Cheese- Something was different. Can't place it.
Peps- Maybe these were the same, but since they were not done like they used to be it is hard to tell for sure.

Overall: Maybe we're getting old or maybe campus is really losing it's flavor. OSU keeps buying up and shutting down old local businesses in an effort to whitewash the place. This pie seems to be suffering the same fate. The first couple of bites had me fooled, but as we kept eating it got worse. Another thing: they used to have powdered cheese and red pepper out, a few for the tables too, but that's gone now. The little things, you know? It wasn't bad-- just now what it used to be. Get it over with and just sell it to Sabarro's. 3--5 Pies!!!!!!

Borgata Pizza Cafe (5701 Parkville Street, Columbus, OH)

Hype: Some dude told us about this place in a comment on our last pizza adventure (see NYPD, below). We needed some redemption slices because we've been on a losing streak when it comes to quality pie, so this seemed like a good idea.

Scene: We walked in and immediately knew this was going to be a hit. Everyone looked related; even the 8-year-old birthday party that was occupying every table was a cousin, brother, or nephew of the owner looking guy. Good start. They made room for us as we ordered a 20" pep at the counter. Grandma made cake, brownies, and a bunch of other sweets to help the pizza go down but they left us hanging here, oh well- it wasn't our party. Everyone working there was in the family. A good sign.

The Pie:
Crust- Very thin, but not crispy saltine style like so many other Columbus pies. At the edges it was a little thicker and slightly airy and chewy. I folded every slice. Thin crust cut in traditional huge slices, not party strips like so many other pies in this town. Absolutely excellent.
Sauce- Sweet and very flavorful. A hint of spice probably from the oil from the peps (see below). Again this was top notch.
Cheese- Very evenly applied. Not too much or too little. Real stuff done right.
Peps- Spicy, thicker cut and perfectly cupped. I don't know where they get them but they were perfect. Not overly salty and very flavorful. We always get peps for fairness so I don't know about the other toppings but I will vouch for the ronis at this joint. Try em out.

Overall: This place changed the balance of pizza power for me in Columbus. We all agreed that this might be the best in town. While there is no comparing it to Adriaticos as it is such a thin crust, it does, however, call in to question many of the other thins in town. We loved it. No similar pies that we know about in town.

Our minds were blown!

We went nuts over it! Enthusiastic 5 out of 5 pies!!!!!!